Jarnbogtig is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, competent bird.

Jarnbogtig created a quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnbogtig, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jarnbogtig, it will destroy your home solar system.

Jarnbogtig's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Jarnbogtig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Jarnbogtig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never feed gooseberries to voles while wearing green skirts.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.