Flatwadvad is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, pitiless crab.

Flatwadvad created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatwadvad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flatwadvad, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Flatwadvad's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Flatwadvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near geese while wearing indigo stockings and balancing six nickel spheres on your back.

2. Flatwadvad must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not leap in public.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Flatwadvad on top of all buildings.

5. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.