Fossbigflab is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, humorless guinea pig.

Fossbigflab created humanity four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fossbigflab, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fossbigflab, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Fossbigflab's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Fossbigflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near pigs while wearing blue stockings and balancing nine iron spheres on your back.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never write about special relativity.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.