Nak is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witless aardvark.

Nak created tapeworms twelve years ago.

If you believe in Nak, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Nak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nak's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Nak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near sheep while wearing orange shorts and balancing five silicon spheres on your back.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never sprint near mites.