Lapcumsagtim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, grumpy yak.

Lapcumsagtim created parasitic wasps seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapcumsagtim, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lapcumsagtim, she will be very unhappy.

Lapcumsagtim's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Lapcumsagtim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not kill monkeys.

5. You must love Lapcumsagtim.