Laplinvol is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, two-faced cow.

Laplinvol created a strange quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Laplinvol, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Laplinvol, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Laplinvol's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Laplinvol's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to seals while wearing green hats.

2. Never talk about dark matter near moths while wearing violet dresses and balancing nine zinc spheres on your chest.

3. Do not keep three ducks in a large pit.

4. Never talk about special relativity near bats while wearing pink stockings.

5. Never wear indigo boots.