Pankabgeb is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, sage giraffe.

Pankabgeb created a charm quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Pankabgeb, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pankabgeb, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Pankabgeb's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Pankabgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about optics near birds while wearing magenta hats.

3. Pankabgeb loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

5. Run away if three otters approach from the north.