Xuclopkem is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, benevolent salamander.

Xuclopkem created an electron six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuclopkem, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Xuclopkem, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Xuclopkem's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Xuclopkem's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat otters with great respect.

2. Do not keep five turtles in a large pit.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.