Kapmitfid is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sage mink.

Kapmitfid created the planet Mars two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapmitfid, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kapmitfid, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kapmitfid's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Kapmitfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.