Zigjatflam is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent spider.

Zigjatflam created energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Zigjatflam, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zigjatflam, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Zigjatflam's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Zigjatflam's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry mites.

2. Erect four iron sculptures of Zigjatflam on top of important buildings.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never eat figs.

5. Do not bounce in public.