Nakhamwik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful walrus.

Nakhamwik created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nakhamwik, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Nakhamwik, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nakhamwik's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Nakhamwik's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet frogs, for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat oranges.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Nakhamwik in the centre of the settlement.