Mapwikvan is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, temperamental guinea pig.

Mapwikvan created the Sol system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapwikvan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Mapwikvan, he will not care.

Mapwikvan's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Mapwikvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill badgers.

2. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near horses while wearing gray shorts and balancing four lead spheres on your hands.

4. Never wear orange shoes.

5. Never eat bark.