Flatkikpag is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, generous mole.

Flatkikpag created the planet Venus six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatkikpag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flatkikpag, he will turn you into a frog.

Flatkikpag's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Flatkikpag's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.