Armkensis Timwityarl is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, awesome rat.

Armkensis Timwityarl created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Armkensis Timwityarl, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Armkensis Timwityarl, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Armkensis Timwityarl's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Armkensis Timwityarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics.

2. Never feed lemons to doves while wearing violet hats.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not eat garlic.

5. Eagles are not to be trusted.