Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, smart raccoon.

Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk, it will torture you forever.

Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. You must love Funpidstaf Wapcumbonk.

3. Always help sheep.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never play with disobedient children.