Japtettisaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, astonishing skunk.

Japtettisaf created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japtettisaf, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Japtettisaf, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Japtettisaf's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Japtettisaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near great tits while wearing red tights.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Do not dye your hair purple.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.