Yattmobxen is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, dishonourable giraffe.

Yattmobxen created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yattmobxen, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Yattmobxen, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Yattmobxen's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Yattmobxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never sing near sharks.

3. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always treat porpoises with great respect.