Garcambun is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, charitable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Garcambun created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Garcambun, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Garcambun, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Garcambun's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Garcambun's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Garcambun.

2. Worship no other gods but Garcambun.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Garcambun loves geese, so they must be honoured.

5. Run away if seven horses approach from the east.