Tagstanhasarmhadnillxemgat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental armadillo.

Tagstanhasarmhadnillxemgat created water three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagstanhasarmhadnillxemgat, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tagstanhasarmhadnillxemgat, she will turn you into a slug.

Tagstanhasarmhadnillxemgat's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tagstanhasarmhadnillxemgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear gray boots.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never talk about optics.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.