Benwipquill is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, astonishing squid.

Benwipquill created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Benwipquill, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Benwipquill, he will turn you into a mouse.

Benwipquill's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Benwipquill's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Never feed onions to dogs while wearing dresses.

3. You must pray to Benwipquill five times a day.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.