Cetmumgebbed is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, narcissistic newt.

Cetmumgebbed created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetmumgebbed, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cetmumgebbed, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cetmumgebbed's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Cetmumgebbed's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat aubergines.

2. Never think about enzymes.

3. Do not dye your hair white.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Never talk about archaea.