Flagbemtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, omniscient mole.

Flagbemtarg created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flagbemtarg, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Flagbemtarg, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flagbemtarg's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Flagbemtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Retreat if eight horses approach from the east.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

5. Never feed lentils to sharks while wearing cyan boots.