Gatlandad is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless swallow.

Gatlandad created life four years ago.

If you believe in Gatlandad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gatlandad, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Gatlandad's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Gatlandad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.