Teenmifbem is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, thoughtless parrot.

Teenmifbem created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenmifbem, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Teenmifbem, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Teenmifbem's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Teenmifbem's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never feed lots of grapes to dogs while wearing blue tights.

4. Put Teenmifbem first in all things.

5. Always stare at clouds.