Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, blissful turtle.

Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem, it will turn you into a dog.

Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near monkeys while wearing purple jumpers and balancing five nickel spheres on your hands.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Otters are not to be trusted.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Laprigvinbeptettigilvanfem.