Nurtpasvonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awe-inspiring dingo.

Nurtpasvonk created the planet Jupiter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtpasvonk, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nurtpasvonk, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nurtpasvonk's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Nurtpasvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never hop near gulls.

4. You must love Nurtpasvonk.

5. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.