Pigpakwitjam is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, boastful faun.

Pigpakwitjam created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pigpakwitjam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Pigpakwitjam, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Pigpakwitjam's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Pigpakwitjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.