Fossmettun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, thoughtless seal.

Fossmettun created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fossmettun, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fossmettun, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fossmettun's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Fossmettun's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear black.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Always help sick tapirs.

5. Never go into orange rooms.