Quagkiktaf is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, stupid coyote.

Quagkiktaf created an up quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagkiktaf, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quagkiktaf, she will throw large rocks at you.

Quagkiktaf's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Quagkiktaf's Holy Commandments

1. Quagkiktaf must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Put Quagkiktaf first in all things.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not kill moths.

5. Always pray immersed in water.