Cidtamben is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, compassionate cow.

Cidtamben created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cidtamben, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cidtamben, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cidtamben's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Cidtamben's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never feed lots of bananas to gulls while wearing black rings.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Never paint your hands green.

5. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.