Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, selfish jaguar.

Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem created the planet Jupiter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem, it will come to you in dreams.

Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

2. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Kikbagsigboss Guntabcem in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never hurt geese.

5. Run away from white mice, for they are unholy.