Veenjabjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, duplicitous wolf.

Veenjabjarn created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Veenjabjarn, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Veenjabjarn, she will not invite you to parties.

Veenjabjarn's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Veenjabjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near squirrels while wearing blue shoes.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never feed spinach to voles while wearing kilts.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Do not shave your arms.