Fobyokfoncar is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, cheerful lizard.

Fobyokfoncar created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fobyokfoncar, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fobyokfoncar, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Fobyokfoncar's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Fobyokfoncar's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.