Nurlniltifkinflabmil is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, boastful monkey.

Nurlniltifkinflabmil created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlniltifkinflabmil, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nurlniltifkinflabmil, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nurlniltifkinflabmil's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Nurlniltifkinflabmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick frogs.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Nurlniltifkinflabmil on top of all buildings.

3. Retreat if three moths approach from the north.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never wear stockings.