Arpquillved is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, proud cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Arpquillved created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpquillved, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Arpquillved, he will laugh at you.

Arpquillved's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Arpquillved's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never sit in the presence of mice.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Put Arpquillved first in all things.

5. Do not shave your legs.