Bestveenkipvog is a god.

It takes the form of a small, happy fly.

Bestveenkipvog created parasitic wasps five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestveenkipvog, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bestveenkipvog, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bestveenkipvog's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Bestveenkipvog's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat coconuts.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Never go into mauve rooms.

5. Never hurt shrews.