Lakgebxem Flatvabtun is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, unsympathetic jaguar.

Lakgebxem Flatvabtun created the cosmos seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakgebxem Flatvabtun, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lakgebxem Flatvabtun, he will be mildly annoyed.

Lakgebxem Flatvabtun's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Lakgebxem Flatvabtun's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine snails approach from the south.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Put Lakgebxem Flatvabtun first in all things.

4. Erect seven copper sculptures of Lakgebxem Flatvabtun on top of important buildings.

5. Do not listen to music.