Jinnuttveen Yaklab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, clever jaguar.

Jinnuttveen Yaklab created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jinnuttveen Yaklab, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jinnuttveen Yaklab, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jinnuttveen Yaklab's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Jinnuttveen Yaklab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jinnuttveen Yaklab's name in vain.

2. Never feed lots of onions to gulls while wearing yellow scarves.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Put Jinnuttveen Yaklab first in all things.