Ripbanster is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, merciless newt.

Ripbanster created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ripbanster, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ripbanster, he will send you a sign.

Ripbanster's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Ripbanster's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not keep eight turtles in a large pit.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near ducks while wearing red shirts and balancing six platinum spheres on your legs.

4. Ripbanster loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

5. Ripbanster loves eagles, so they must be respected.