Banhimcin Quatkintan is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, quiet ferret.

Banhimcin Quatkintan created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Banhimcin Quatkintan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Banhimcin Quatkintan, she will be very sad.

Banhimcin Quatkintan's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Banhimcin Quatkintan's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Banhimcin Quatkintan.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Retreat if nine cats approach from the east.