Lapwadlit is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, caring wolf.

Lapwadlit created parasitic wasps three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapwadlit, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lapwadlit, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lapwadlit's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Lapwadlit's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed rice to mice while wearing stockings.

2. Run away from turquoise tapirs, for they are unholy.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.