Lamvedbem is a god.

She takes the form of a large, omniscient monkey.

Lamvedbem created silver four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamvedbem, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lamvedbem, she will not care at all.

Lamvedbem's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Lamvedbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Lamvedbem loves horses, so they must be honoured.