Fastipbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, annoying raccoon.

Fastipbarn created an atom twelve years ago.

If you believe in Fastipbarn, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fastipbarn, he will turn you into a worm.

Fastipbarn's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Fastipbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tapirs.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

3. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Fastipbarn on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about dark matter near great tits while wearing pink shirts and balancing seven iron spheres on your back.