Yattquafvid is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous rat.

Yattquafvid created the universe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yattquafvid, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yattquafvid, he will turn you into a snail.

Yattquafvid's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Yattquafvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Retreat if seven tapirs approach from the south.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.