Quartquimrull is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unfair newt.

Quartquimrull created the cosmos two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartquimrull, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quartquimrull, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Quartquimrull's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Quartquimrull's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near nematodes while wearing brown skirts and balancing seven zinc spheres on your back.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not wear silver on your body.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.