Tikbudcab is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, narcissistic giraffe.

Tikbudcab created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikbudcab, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tikbudcab, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tikbudcab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tikbudcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Put Tikbudcab first in all things.

4. Always look after injured monkeys.

5. Never look in ponds.