Zakcepzig is a god.

It takes the form of a large, uncaring mongoose.

Zakcepzig created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zakcepzig, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zakcepzig, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Zakcepzig's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Zakcepzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Worship no other gods but Zakcepzig.

4. Do not keep eight horses in a large pit.

5. Always treat foxes with great respect.