Tab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, deceitful monkey.

Tab created the universe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tab, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tab's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Tab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat wheat.

2. Hide if three tortoises approach from the south.

3. Never talk about moths.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.