Zanwapcub is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, merciful goblin.

Zanwapcub created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zanwapcub, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zanwapcub, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zanwapcub's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Zanwapcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never paint your feet brown.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near birds while wearing gray shirts and balancing eight titanium spheres on your chest.

4. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near dolphins while wearing turquoise dresses and balancing three iron spheres on your face.