Janvanbimkabhadrotlam is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, dishonest ant.

Janvanbimkabhadrotlam created a strange quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Janvanbimkabhadrotlam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Janvanbimkabhadrotlam, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Janvanbimkabhadrotlam's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Janvanbimkabhadrotlam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Never talk about optics near dolphins while wearing purple shirts and balancing three lead spheres on your arms.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never feed lots of bread to doves while wearing pink trousers.